Is this the worst West End musical in the last 20 years?

Theatre Royal Haymarket

The worst reviews in a long time greeted the musical version of the iconic film Trainspotting. Criticism splattered all elements from the writer Irvine Welsh, who also wrote the original novel (‘baggy’ Stage; ‘leaden and formulaic’ Standard), to the new songs written by Stephen McGuinness and Welsh (‘forgettable at best, or best forgotten’ Guardian), to the direction by Caroline Jay Ranger (‘stodgy’ Independent). Only one review found a third star, the rest being divided between 2 and 1 stars. The only musical this century that springs to mind as having reviews this bad is Oscar Wilde back in 2005.

3 stars ⭑⭑⭑

Once more the outlier, The Times’ Clive Davis gave a unique 3 stars rating. Not that he didn’t have reservations, but he discerned something the other critics missed: ‘there is unabashed energy to the performance and the new songs, co-written by Welsh and the dance music producer Stephen McGuinness, that just about keeps the evening aloft. True, it’s a rough-hewn venture that won’t appeal to musical theatre traditionalists. I went in fearing the worst, in all honesty, but this is a production that, even if it is never going to supplant the film, at least delivers moments of communal intensity.’

2 stars ⭑⭑

The Stage’s Sam Marlowe didn’t pull her punches: ‘the show is far more diffuse and meandering than either the film or the novel. Characters are thinly drawn in Welsh’s baggy book; it’s as if the story has been castrated, all its cynical, tough, jagged wit, all its fuck-you attitude lopped off. Instead, it’s ploddingly literal, often lapsing into mawkishness and soapy tedium – repeatedly ramming its social conscience down our throats, theatrically it’s almost in Blood Brothers territory, although it’s significantly less emotionally effective. And it suffers from a fatal lack of momentum – each time it starts to get going, another pointless song turns up to bring it grinding to a halt again.’

A ‘misguided muddle’ said Ben Lawrence for the Telegraph: ‘The incoherence of this production, at the Theatre Royal Haymarket, is best illustrated by its music. While the film’s famously killer soundtrack has, in part, been retained (Iggy Pop’s Lust for Life and Lou Reed’s Perfect Day both feature), it is diluted by a mixture of pop hits that weren’t in the film and, worst of all, a set of new songs which, with the exception of a jolly hoedown entitled C—s Run the Country, barely register. It is downright odd to see such cynical no-hopers as Renton (Lewis Kidd) and Sick Boy (Sheridan Townsley) going all jazz hands, and it undermines the power of Welsh’s characterisation.’

The Independent’s Alice Saville joined the fray, declaring: ‘it’s a depressing concoction, with misjudged songs and a plot as obscure as an addict’s mumblings.’ The director, she said, had ‘turned this kinetic, dizzying story into a stodgy museum piece.’

In the midst of the critical onslaught, Theo Bosanquet for LondonTheatre sounded almost mild in his criticism: ‘what results is a kind of hybrid jukebox show, one that at points almost feels like a 90s nostalgia fest, but makes an awkward vehicle for a bleak story of broken characters seeking highs against a backdrop of urban decline.’

1 star ⭑

The Standard‘s Nick Curtis gave it short shrift: ‘What’s that dull, sickening thud? Oh, it’s the sound of a dead horse being flogged.’ He explained: ‘It’s leaden and formulaic where the book was coruscatingly fragmentary, sermonising and expository where Danny Boyle’s 1996 film was darkly, hedonistically propulsive. Worse, it shackles emotively Pavlovian stalwart hits like Lust For Life, Perfect Day and Bitter Sweet Symphony to a ragbag of pub-rock novelty songs written by Welsh and Stephen McGuinness.’ He listed its many faults: ‘I could tell you how sketchy the set and the choreography are, how Welsh’s trademark sweariness and his “authentic” Scottish-English argot lapse here into pastiche. I could say that the characters, always boldly outlined, are here cartoonish.’

The Guardian‘s Arifa Akbar commented: ‘Sadly, the drug-addled escapades and illegal highs here look about as dangerous as a double-dose of Gaviscon.’ Sher ended: ‘Alongside the covers are songs written by Stephen McGuinness and Welsh which are forgettable at best, or best forgotten in the case of one with a country and western twang and another which sounds alarmingly like a riff on The Proclaimers. It’s strange to see these characters singing as they shoot up, or rage against the machine. “Would Renton really choose to return to this life,” you find yourself wondering. It all seems so tame and commercial for this bunch of anti-capitalists. A bad trip indeed.’

Alun Hood at WhatsOnStage called it: ‘an incoherent musical that achieves the dubious distinction of being simultaneously distasteful and deeply tedious.‘ He asked: ‘Who is this for? Enthusiasts of the original will find it tame, lovers of modern musicals will spot how poorly executed it is, and it’s far too sordid for most families. Ultimately it’s the ineptitude rather than the tricky subject matter that sinks Trainspotting The Musical. Choose life? Nah, choose to see something else.’

Holly O’Mahony popped up at Time Out with an assumed one star review: ‘the whole thing is mechanical and cringeworthy. Every time someone shoots up on stage, you worry they’ll break into song – and they do!’ Among her many blasts was: ‘It has about as much guts and vigour and channeling of sordid lived experiences as the average primary school play.’

Critics’ average rating 1.7⭑

Value rating 17 (critics’ rating divided by typical ticket price)

Trainspotting The Musical can be seen at the Theatre Royal Haymarket until 5 September. Buy tickets directly from the theatre trh.co.uk

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